its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
