So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
