kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
