it's not cheating when I paid for it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
