You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
