Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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