but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
