it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
