PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I checked into jail on foursquare
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
