I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
two words: eviction party
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
