I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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