guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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