i dedicated my morning wood to you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
