tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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