I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
