I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
