now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
