I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
