Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
