So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
