quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
