So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
