I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
