He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
