Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
