Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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