I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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