____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
