I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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