I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
