hotel room ftw
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
