i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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