I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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