Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
