My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
