i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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