I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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