I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
