Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
