She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
