Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
