Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
