I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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