I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
