I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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