I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
