Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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