Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
