drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Panties = found
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