We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
