I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
