Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
