omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
