Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
