Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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