Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
