Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
