On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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