only if we run a train.
done.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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