did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
