Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
