After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
