did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize