why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
