Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize