Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
