got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
