a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
