How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize