He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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