RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
