he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
