I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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