She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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